You're my little dorito
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just high enough for therapy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
