1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
