its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
