I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it glows. i had to have it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
