i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
