Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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