I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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