I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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