my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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