Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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