My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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