If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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