just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
