I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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