I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
