It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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