Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
