Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
