I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
