I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
