Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
