I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
