lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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