Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
only if we run a train.
done.
He felt like a one man threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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