that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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