Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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