If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
