when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
