i just google imaged poop.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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