so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
