like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
