When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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