I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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