Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm always down for nudity.
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