how can u be prego again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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