just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
