Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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