I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
