Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
