If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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