New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
