i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
