**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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