I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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