I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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