Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish there were birth control emojis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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