i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
