I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
