Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
