Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
