I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's never too late to be topless.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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