The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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