if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize