I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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