New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize