It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
