It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
