you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
