Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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