ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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