dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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