I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
